Description: Diagnosis: too many parameters, not enough dropout layers. For the people who cope with their existential chaos through technical vocabulary and well-timed sarcasm — "Overfitted and Overthinking" is the most accurate medical report you'll ever receive. Except it's not from a doctor. It's from a machine learning textbook. Which somehow makes it more credible. Your thoughts have overfit to a dataset of worst-case scenarios. Your generalization error is enormous. Your bias is low but your variance is absolutely unhinged. A little L2 regularization wouldn't hurt but you're more of a "lean into the chaos" type anyway.